￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼It’s going to happen, and without anger management, you can’t control it. You WILL get angry at something someone you love says or does. And when that happens what will you do? What have you done in the past?
Do you stuff your feelings? Or are you more likely to explode with a volley of swear words? Maybe you prefer to smolder until you are able to retaliate with a passive aggressive comment?
If you are like most of us, regardless of your typical response to frustrating interactions with people you care about, you could probably use some help in improving your behavior so it produces the results you really want: more love and more happiness.
Here are specific steps for anger management you can take to create good feelings for you and those you love even when you can’t agree.
The Important Thing You Have to Do First: Breathe
If you breathe deeply and allow yourself to take a minute to check in with your body and feel where your emotions are, you will be better able to assess whether you can respond with love or if you need to take a timeout to regroup.
Eight Proven Anger Management Steps to Reduce Angry Feelings and Move Toward Fulfilling Partnership
- Recognize Your Stress
- Develop Empathy
- Respond Instead of React
- Change Your Self-Talk
- Communicate Assertively
- Adjust Expectations
- Take a Timeout
- Forgive but do NOT Forget
Anger Management Technique #1. Recognize Your Stress
Pay Attention to What is Going on in Your Body
Simply Observe Yourself Without Judging How You Feel
Learn All You Can About How You Truly Feel in Different Situations
Anger Management Technique #2. Develop Empathy
Allow Yourself to Feel Empathy for Yourself First
Connect with Your Pain Deeply
Empathy for Others is Easier if You Have Empathy for Yourself
The Level of Compassion You Show Yourself Defines How Much Compassion You are Capable of with Others
Anger Management Technique #3. Respond Instead of React
Reactions Rule Us
We Rule Our Responses
When we react, we are controlled by our emotions and often do and say things we regret. But when we respond, we are empowered to choose our behaviors according to what is best for us as well as others.
Anger Management Technique #4. Change Your Self-Talk
Most Anger is the Result of the Thoughts You Think
Change Your Thoughts and Change How You Feel
If You Feel Negative About Others, Start Shifting Those Feelings by Appreciating and Encouraging Yourself
Anger Management Technique #5. Communicate Assertively
Learn the Difference between Aggression and Assertion
Attempts to Control a Person or Situation is a Form of Aggression
Assertion Defines Your Healthy Boundaries
Assertion Creates Mutual Safety
Healthy Assertions Can Create More Loving Connections
Anger Management Technique #6. Adjust Expectations
Disappointments are Part of Life
People Rarely do Everything According to Our Wishes
Acceptance Can Help You Let Go of Your Expectations
Learn to Accept Life on Life’s Terms
Focus on the One Thing You Have the Power to Change: You
Anger Management Technique #7. Take a Timeout!
Agree to the terms of timeouts BEFORE you need one!
Do not use timeouts to threaten or control.
Commit to coming back to the topic when you cool down.
Use your timeout to connect with your feelings and get clear on your part in the conflict.
Anger Management Technique #8. Forgive But Do Not Forget
Forgiveness feels good and is good for you.
But don’t rush to forgive before you have fully processed your anger and sadness.
Don’t try to forget. You need to remember so you can make informed decisions about your life.
Remembering is healthy. Harboring resentments will hurt your health and happiness.
Although these eight steps are simple, anger management is NOT all that easy to employ. It takes practice, so be patient with yourself. And if you really want to shift your anger from a potential destructive and divisive detraction into a powerful force for good, email me to learn more about how I can help you!
Veronica Monet, ACS, CAM teaches anger management techniques in combination with her 5 Steps to Exquisite Partnership. She works with her clients via telephone and video Skype sessions as well as in person appointments in her Relationship Coaching Grass Valley, CA office. Email her or text 415.407.2932.